Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Enjoy the penises
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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