That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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