Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
