Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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