I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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