oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
