I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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