I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
