erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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