You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
