I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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