There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
