Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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