I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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