planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got her a Nickelback box set.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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