i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
