So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
