My room smells like vodka and shame
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
