I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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