Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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