first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
