Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
