Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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