I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
