Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
