it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
