I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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