summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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