i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
