You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
