i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
