Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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