Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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