1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
