I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
