did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
