either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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