The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
