He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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