I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
