hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
