Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
nutella sex= disaster
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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