I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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