I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
