There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
