Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
