how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
