I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
