True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
