My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
