Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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