Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
