I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
