she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
