Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
