I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
