Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
