The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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