No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
