ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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