dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
