Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
