If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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