she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This is the high leading the old right now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
