Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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