don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
