so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
