she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
