Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
