Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
