Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
