I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
