You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
