i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
