we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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