mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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