if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
