when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
