and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
