Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
God, I missed his penis.
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